Am I Making a Difference?

    As a person I want to make a difference. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm making that big of an impact on other people's lives and in Gods kingdom. Some days I wonder if I did anything that really made a difference (you know like the days that all you did was cook and clean and check Facebook and maybe pray).
     Those times that He does give us are a blessing and yes we should be striving to be more like Christ to the world around us and do what we can but some days will just feel like a waste. Don't wallow in the feeling of uselessness but rather turn to God and pray that He would show you where you are making a difference.
    Maybe it's because you were patient with someone that day when you could have gotten frustrated that day or maybe it's through just showing a child that you care for them through the meeting of their needs and stopping what you were doing to care for them. Maybe it's as simple as the fact that you are desiring to make a difference and praying about it.
     I'm not saying that we should wait to make that difference and just allow ourselves to be lazy and not do anything but for those times when we feel like we got nothing accomplished that day and are feeling discouraged about it know that it's ok to have those days and know that God will give you the tasks that He needs you to do. Just realize that sometimes what we think of as making a difference and what He thinks of as making a difference are not always the same thing.
      Sometimes the "small" things make more of a difference in someone watching our lives on the sidelines than the stuff that we might consider that make a "big difference". At the end of the day the thing that matters most is your relationship with God and the thing that matters second most is your relationship with others.
     These are just some thoughts. Need to have some more focused time just writing. I've been really busy recently changing jobs and getting adjusted so that is why I missed posting last week. Hopefully I'll get back on the horse and be a little more regular these coming weeks.

A Meaningful Valentines Day (+ Bonus Movie Review)

     A while ago my mom started a tradition that I think is really cool. She started a Valentines box. It's a big box that we get out and put valentines for each other in throughout the month of February (and if we get it out early enough through some of January too but that doesn't always happen). The goal of this tradition was to get us to say something nice to each other at least once a year. (We say more nice things than that a year ok.)
    If I remember correctly I believe the tradition was started around a time when I was not getting along with one brother in particular. Ironically now me and him are best buds.
    That aside we started this tradition years ago and know that when the valentines box comes out its time to make cards. My mom made a few rules for this activity which have been mostly followed throughout the years (we may have made a few exceptions for the younger ones and special cases):

1. You must say something nice in the card to the person that its meant for (no mean valentines so far)
2. You must make your own valentines (yes, you must put some time and effort into making your card, none of those pre-made dinky valentines that you get for handing out to your class).
3. You must make an individual card for each individual person (not an easy task when your talking about making 13 valentines. Little ones are not held to the same standards on this one but when they are being helped they tend to get at least one valentine for everyone.)

At first we had one who didn't really like that you had to actually make cards for people but now he seems fine with it and everyone does get a card from him that is handmade.
      We also usually have a fondue dinner for our valentine celebration. We start out with the cheese pot where we dip bread cubes into the melted cheese mixture. Then we move onto the main course where we have some kind of stock (chicken, beef, or vegetable) in a fondue pot and cook our raw meats and vegetables in there. Last, but definitely not least, is our chocolate fondue pot where we dip fruits, marshmallows, and sometimes graham crackers in.
     We usually open up the valentine box right after our fancy 3 course meal and pass out the cards.
     It's a fun family tradition that helps me to really appreciate each individual person for who they are as, well, a person. It also is a reminder for me to encourage my siblings and parents in things that I see in them as positive things that they do everyday. Too often I forget to praise them for the everyday things that they do and too often I just take those things for granted.
     It's good to have those things that refocus us on what we appreciate about someone and remind us not to focus on the negative in that person. Valentines day is a good time to do that.
     I have asked myself these questions his year when writing out my valentines:
-What do you appreciate about this person?
-Can you encourage them in any way?
-What are some things that they do that you might take for granted that it might be nice to notice?

     On another note, if you happen to be looking for a good movie to out to for valentines day (or any day) I would encourage you to go see Frozen. It is a movie about the importance of relationship and sibling love. It does have a little bit of romance but it isn't overly emphasized. Our whole family enjoyed it from the little 3 year olds all the way up to my dad (and all 7 of the boys including the "cool" teenagers in spite of the fact that it is a princess movie).

Book Review: Chucking College

     I picked this book up because I believe that college is not necessarily the answer to higher education. I believe that its possible to get a good education without going to college and use the money that you may have spent for classes on building your own business. I was hoping that this book might give me some tools and answer some questions on just how a girl like me might go about doing that.
     Lets just say I did not want to finish this book. The first 3 chapters are all a big rant on how awful colleges are. Chapter 4 has some good things to say and then she starts the rant up again for the next 2 1/2 chapters. The author takes her experience and applies it to all colleges. I got the idea that the author herself did not do enough research before setting off for college and so, by default, had a bad experience while there. (If you don't do your research what do you expect?)
     At first I just wrote down questions because I like to give the author a chance to redeem themselves before I just start thinking negatively about what they have to say.
     I asked:
     Is the author being fair in making overarching statements about all colleges? Is it possible that there are good colleges out there and the author was just very hurt by one college and sought evidence to justify her position? Is this chapter just one big rant that just happens to have some truth to what she is saying but is not necessarily true everywhere?
   
     Ok so the last question may have been a little judgmental. (One out of 3 isn't bad.) I was kind of getting annoyed with the rehashing of the same topic only in different words by that point anyway.
     I thought that the testimonies sprinkled throughout the book were helpful and came from people who were just saying that college didn't work for them so they went another rout or that this is what they did instead of going to college and getting a degree. (In some cases they were more helpful and more insightful than the chapter that they were placed in).
     Chapter 4 was pretty good except for one statement that Melanie makes which I found to be a little pharisaical on her part. She says:

     "Imagine if you had $50,000-$100,000 cash and could invest it in a way that would establish a solid foundation and launching pad for your adult life. Would you choose to spend it on attending required classes based on someone else's agenda for your life, on studying under liberal professors, on living with an arbitrarily assigned person, and on having your innocence and purity robbed?" (Emphasis mine)

     Are any of us truly innocent? I mean really? Does college suddenly cause us to have a sin nature? This is not the first time in the book that she has said something like this I just was so mad that she seemed to be ranting about how "evil" college was once again. OK I get it Melanie, can we just move on now?
     Now I do agree with her that spending tons of money on something that may or may not work out is not a wise choice which is the main thrust of this chapter. So other than that it was a good chapter to read.
     Later she talks about this 24 year old named Jen Keeton who was expelled from Augusta State University because she believed that homosexuality was a behavioral choice rather than a state of being. She was a Christian and stood by her Christian values and I applaud her for it. We should expect to get this sort of treatment from the world because the world hates God and anything or anyone that smacks of Him or who stands for truth no matter how small that truth may seem.
      From how the author writes it sounds like there are no Christian colleges out there with men and women of faith on campus. I have friends who have been to colleges where they met godly young women and men and they do exist! Just because the author did not experience it does not mean that this scenario does not exist anywhere!
    In the context of talking about Psalm 1:1 she states:

    "College offers the counsel of wicked professors, who earnestly desire students to adhere to their liberal teaching; the unavoidable necessity of standing in the way of immoral acquaintances - sinners really....."

     She says all of this saying that you will come across these things at college but you come across these things at home too. I believe that the young college bound student that doesn't do their homework and research their college carefully may indeed have to take classes from wicked professors but someone who values their education should really be diligent about researching the college before committing to it.
     The last statement is particularly odious to me:

     "standing in the way of immoral acquaintances - sinners really."

 You can't find this at home? You don't find yourself spending time with sinners? I found these statements to be a bit judgmental. Yes, there are people who go to college to party and to live the "college life." We are called to love them and not be the one to "cast the first stone" so to speak.
     She ends chapter 5 with this:

   "Culture changing does not happen effectively by integrating with the culture. Think of the righteous man who feels called to witness in a bar, and take note of his strategy. He goes in there, "engages the culture" with the gospel, and then gets out as soon as his mission is accomplished. Hanging out in the place of temptation will not accomplish any more good; in fact, doing so has been proven to cause weaker "missionaries" to become desensitized and worn down by constant pressure to join the crowd."

     I have to ask, what did Jesus do? He was known for hanging out with tax collectors and sinners. If someone feels called to witness in a bar then it's better to obey that calling and reap the harvest than to ignore it and walk away because its "beneath" you to go there which is kind of the feeling I got towards the end of this chapter.
     We must remember to rely on Christ's strength instead of trying to stand on our own. Christ will give us the strength to stand against temptation.
     From how Melanie writes you would think that you could lose your salvation but the Bible teaches that "the Lord will keep you from all evil he will keep your life (Psalm 121:7)". If we are truly saved there is nothing that can take us away from God.
     In chapter 6 Melanie complains about not being able to get people to agree not to drink while they were in Europe for a college tour. I'm sorry honey but you can't be everyone's parent and sometimes it's best to just be kind to people and pray for them.
     She also makes some more comments about how "evil" college is. It's really too bad that she takes college to this extreme. You can find good colleges out there and people do get good experiences there. Like I've been saying, you need to do your research to find these colleges but they do exist!
     In chapter 7 she goes into some of the things that you (in her opinion) shouldn't be studying in college: Greek mythology, Philosophy, Evolution, and Religion Studies. I totally disagree. I believe that you can study these things in order to have an understanding of what others believe so that we might be better equipped to give a defense of our faith. True we do not necessarily need to know what other people believe but it behooves us to know so that we can better understand where they are coming from. I don't think that studying these things will make us any less a Christian.
     Once you get through the rant bit of the book (the first 7 chapters minus chapter 4) then the rest is more of the kinds of information that I wanted to begin with. She gives helpful suggestions on how to build a better resume, hints on what you can do to start up your own business, tips on what you can claim on your taxes, and encouragement to keep on learning even though you are not in school.
     Melanie is just trying to be helpful but in the process she ends up being very judgmental of all colleges. I do not believe that all colleges are bad there are just fewer colleges out there that are good (including good Christian colleges).
     Will I step foot in a college classroom myself? I don't know. This world is changing and with so many options and things available it can be overwhelming. I may have to go to college to get a degree or take a few classes if I feel The Lord calling me to a particular field of study and that is ok. But while I wait I am going to explore the world around me and gain skills and knowledge in areas where I want to have skills and knowledge in.

5 Things to be Careful of in a "More than Friends" Relationship

     I have a confession to make. I had a relationship that I had to let go of this past year. It was really difficult and I felt awful the whole way through the process of giving it up but it was good for me. 

     I saw a lot of things that I need to work on. I'll give you 5 things that I did wrong in the relationship:

Problem #1) Be Best Friends First.

     We weren't best friends before we became serious about each other. 

Problem #2) Giving in to Parent Pressure.

    Before figuring out whether I even could stay friends with this guy in a realistic manner I was asked if I was interested in marrying this guy. This put me in a lot of stress and didn't help me to look at this guy as a friend first before looking at him as more than that. (It's hard to tell when you've only known this guy for at most a couple of months and you've pretty much only seen him in ministry situations). 

     A wise woman from my church pointed out that when you see someone in ministry you are seeing them at their best. People are multi-faceted and so if you are only seeing them in one situation all of the time it's hard to get a good view of who they are as an individual.

Problem #3) Rose colored glasses syndrome. 

     OK, maybe this is Jr.High feelings all over again but you start out knowing that you think someone is cute and not being able to cut it out, then you find out that they think your pretty cute too and then you really can't cut it out, and before you know it everyone notices you spending more time together and then you start saying that you are in a serious relationship together. 

     Your rose colored glasses are affixed and you have a hard time seeing any of the negatives in the relationship because all you can see is someone who thinks you are special and all you want to do is help them feel like their pretty special to you too. You tend towards focusing on how this person makes you feel rather than on what they are like as an individual. 

     Unfortunately I thought that I was above this syndrome and would never fall for it. Boy was I wrong. God really helped me to see that even in this I was weak where I thought (all too proudly) that I had it and I was strong enough and smart enough never to fall into this kind of thinking until it was with Mr. Right. Ah, yes, it is true that pride comes before a fall (in this case it was probably a face plant). 

Problem #4) Being too nice doesn't help. 

     I tried to be better about speaking my mind towards the end of the relationship but it was too little too late. You tend to be nice to someone because you want them to like you but if we had been best friends before we started "dorting" (it's a mixture of dating/courting since I'm not sure that what we were doing was straight up courting but it wasn't straight up dating either) then this wouldn't have been as big of an issue. 

Problem #5) Facebook factor. 

     I was stupid and allowed and encouraged a sort of online dating through Facebook messaging. When I recognized what I was doing instead of quitting and saying "you know what I don't think that this is a good thing for us to be doing because......." I decided that it wasn't doing that much harm. People used to write letters to each other, what's the difference between that and texting? 

     The problem with texting back and forth all of the time is it builds a very shallow relationship. Shallow relationships don't last. They either turn into strong relationships that do last (but this is a rare case and more the exception than the rule), or they fall apart because it wasn't deep enough to begin with, or they always stay surface relationships because that's all you either have time for or care to have with a particular person.

     These were only 5 of the problems that I decided to write about. 5 problems that I think people should try to avoid in relationships. I'm not perfect and so I can see the flaws of my mistakes and do my best to correct them next time.

     I think that being that I was there I can say that I understand what it's like to be blind. I know what it's like to feel so depressed that you feel like every breath you take is painful and keeping back the tears is something that you fight minute by minute. But I made it through, I still live and if you are going through something like this, it will take time, but there will come an end, as long as you don't give in to the feelings completely, you will eventually make it through. I did. 

     This is why I say these things. Not because I like saying them but because if anyone is out there who needs to know that they aren't the only one who's felt this way or to help others not to make the same mistakes. 

     I don't have all of the answers and (I don't think that anyone does) but I do have some experience and can tell you where I messed up.