15 Day Adventure in the Wilderness

     Life has been a series of adventures that God has taken me on and this is no exception. I tend to embrace the challenges that God throws at me and gave me the reputation, in my family, of diving into the water not really worrying about how it feels until I’m already in. So, I was pretty excited to be going on wilderness and gaining another “adventure experience” to add to the already colorful life story of Larissa Dickson.  As I was on the trip I realized that wilderness is more than just an “adventure experience;” it’s a time that God used in my life for opening my eyes up to my own struggles as well as helping me to see the bigger picture. His picture.

    One of those eye opening experiences happened on the 4^th day of the hike. I was leader for the day along with Madison one of the students. I had gotten up that morning thinking “I am going to do leadership well today” and feeling very confident in my abilities to lead and lead well. Unfortunately my mindset was very prideful that morning and God needed me to take a slice of humble pie.

      I had started boiling water for the morning. One of the pots was pretty hot, but not quite boiling, when it decided to fall and spill water right on top of my, then tennis shoe covered, foot. I quickly took off my uncomfortable footwear and, at Caryn’s direction, got a piggy back ride on Megan’s back from our campsite to the lake where I proceeded to soak it.

    As I was soaking my foot the first thing that I thought is “how am I going to lead now?” the second thought was “I, what is this I? Without God how would I even be here?” As I was thinking this I looked up and saw the sun sparkling off of the beautiful grey-fading-into-tan mountains and a fish jumping out of the cool blue water with huge evergreen trees all around. I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful place to be in that moment. God took the time to meet me there and show me, gently, that I could not do this on my own, and I didn’t have to.

   People from my team came around me and showed me how valued I was as a person and instead of feeling guilty for others “taking my job” as I often have felt in the past I felt freedom in leading differently than I had originally envisioned. I led through direction that morning which meant that I needed to practice communicating what needed to be done. This is not necessarily a strong point and it's something that I need to work on. This was a goal that I had written in my journal the night before.

     Sour Patch Kid and Conradical made breakfast while I soaked my foot and put on my hiking boots. Madison communicated to the team where we would be hiking that day and how we had decided to organize the morning.  It was cool to see her step up and be a leader with me and see her vision for the team come alive. Co-leaders are awesome! I could not have chosen a better person to co-lead with me that day than her.



     After we broke camp we started hiking one direction in search of a trail that we had been on the day before. Being new at this map/compass thing we made several stops to re-orient and make sure we were going the right direction. We reached a tricky part and were deciding on whether we should go back to a different trail that Madison had seen earlier or keep going when Caryn asked us if there was a different way of getting to Glacier Lake than what we had already thought of. It was then that Madison realized that if we headed towards the highest peak of the Black Buttes we would be able to find the lake more easily than any of our other proposed plans. We set our compasses and took off. Well, I took off. I realized that I, even with a heavy backpack on, walk a little on the fast side.

     We reached Glacier Lake and were greeted by Suzanne and Jonathan, people that only Madison and I knew we would be meeting up with that day. It was cool to see the group’s excitement and love as they surrounded these two familiar faces.



     After the momentous meeting, figuring out camp logistics, and roughly setting up camp we gathered back to get a surprise objective for the day. We were told that we would be hiking the Black Buttes. This was probably the most unexpectedly hard things of this trip for me. I definitely did not expect myself to find heights this frightening and stressful. I have gone on roller-coasters, done rock climbing, been on zip-lines, been 20 feet up suspended on a rope in the redwoods, and did ropes-course. This was none of those. This was climbing up rock with no rope or safety net to catch you if you fell. I was basically trusting that the rock was going to hold me and if it didn’t I was going to fall and at worst get really badly injured for doing this and at best die and meet my maker.  So, I found out that ropes are my security blanket when doing these types of things.

    I made it to the top thanks to prayer (lots of prayer) and the encouragement of my teammates. After we got to the top and felt like we were on top of the world for a bit we had to get back down which is just as hard as going up but at least the goal is to get back onto flat ground and not feel like you have to be a mountain goat for the rest of your life. (Definitely not my thing). 



     At the end of this long and learning filled day we got to watch the sunset and breathe. As we were sitting next to the mountain I got to meditate on Colossians 1:11-12 which ended up being my wilderness verses.  (May you be strengthened with all power according to His glorious might with all patience and endurance with joy, giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance with the saints in light.) These verses reminded me that it was not my own strength that got me up a physical mountain and it’s not my own strength that gets me up the emotional and spiritual mountains. It is God’s strength that He has poured out onto me and that I can be thankful and joyful for the work that has been and is being done in and through me. 



     An allegory that has stuck with me from the trip came from rock–climbing day. My goal for the day was to be an encouragement for my teammates. This was harder to do than I expected because there were those who just did not respond or respond positively to the encouragement that I had to give. Later I found out that it really meant a lot for me to be there saying what I said.

     Encouragement is like a seed that is planted in the ground. We can’t expect the seed to grow right away but the seed is there and as the person thinks about what was said it sinks deeper and grows until you see a plant start to form. That plant will continue to grow and get stronger in that person’s life as long as they continue to process the encouragement that was given. It’s not a perfect allegory and in some areas of our lives the seeds of encouragement sprout up right away, but I believe that God uses the harder moments, the times when our soil is harder, to speak more clearly to us and to grow us more in the long run.

The Broken and the Slightly More Broken

     At The Ranch I'm amazed again and again how God chooses to use the broken lives of the Interns to pour into the even more broken and hurting lives of the students. Here there is no secret formula. It's just taking people who are more firmly rooted in Jesus and asking them to come alongside these troubled youth and pour what you can into them by doing life alongside them.

     There is a structure that we are (as interns) expected to uphold. See my post The Daily Battle to get an idea of what a day at the Ranch might look like. There are also rules that we are expected to enforce just like any healthy household would have rules, wether spoken or not, of things that you definitely cannot do.
     Some days I feel like I've been the worst example as an intern and could be the weak link in the team that the students will use to thier advantage. Perhaps there is some truth to this (like when I allow students to do things that maybe I shouldn't have) but it is not completely true. It is a lie that Satan wants me to believe because he knows that what I am doing is against him and he will use any means that he can to bring me down.
    Other days I know that I am who I am and I will make mistakes, but there is always grace. The students need to see that. They also need to see that I am willing to work on myself and that "being transformed by the renewing of your mind" doesn't happen overnight. It is a constant work being done within me and the other interns around me.

     As an intern I have seen God's grace so many times that it's hard for me not to give grace to others. Something that I think I need to work on is being more intentional about talking to the students about what they could work on but in a loving way and not in a condemning way. To come alongside them and root for them rather than tearing them down. Many of them have gotten enough of that in thier lives as it is.
     I will probably be working on this for the rest of my life and will make plenty of mistakes because I'm a broken person ministering to broken people. Through Christ I am qualified to be exactly who I need to be in this broken world.

Learning Curves

    I am learning how to deal with conflict as I'm here. It's a good thing to learn. I'm realizing just how little conflict I had to deal with growing up and coming into this ministry and having to deal with it 24/7 is definitely a learning curve. God has been so gracious to me  in giving me people who have dealt with this stuff for years.

    I think one of the cool aspects about the ranch is that all of the staff here are here to help the interns. They help you through the conflict that goes on and either affirm you in the choices that you take or help you to figure out what the next steps should be. They are also here for the interns spiritually too. They are constantly working to build us up as individuals and drive us towards Christ. I think that this is so cool and such a beautiful picture of the 1 Peter passage in the Bible:

     So as I'm on this journey I not only have the other interns who are struggling alongside me (and who have lots of wisdom from thier own life experience) but those who have gone before me and can speak wisdom into my life. The students who come here come from some pretty intense backgrounds.
     I'm here to tend the lives that God brings here. They come here with a lot of baggage but as we work through that God is gracious to allow us to see change in the students. It gives me hope that what is happening here is not in vain and spurs me on to keep entering into the conflict even when I would rather not.
     Here is a video that one of the current interns created. It gives you a little bit of a sneak peek into the kind of students that come here.

The Daily Battle

This is a "typical" day at the Ranch. No day is the same and every day has new challenges to face but I shall try to show you to the best of my ability what a day for an intern might look like.

Here is me being dorky on a not so typical ranch day. 

     I get up between 6 and 6:30 every morning so I can have some quiet time for myself and Jesus. I find that I need this time and look forward to it every morning. My goal is to get down to the lodge around 7 for breakfast which starts at 7:15. (I don't always make the goal but it helps to have one.)
     At 7:45 we start a devotional time which changes depending on the day of the week. Sometimes it's a group devotional time and other times it's an individual devotional time. These usually wrap up around 8:30 ish and we start work program at 8:40.
      Work program consists of chores that need to be done inside as well as odd jobs and chores that need to be done outside. (Think of things like sweeping, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, doing dishes, etc. for inside and think of things like washing cars, raking leaves, mowing grass, pulling weeds, and general grounds maintainence for outside.)
    As an intern I might be put on outdoor work program in the morning have a 15 minute break for snack at 10:25 then continue with outdoor until lunch (12:30). After lunch (1:10) I might be put on indoor until 5pm at which point the students and interns are dismissed to thier dorms for 1 hour.
    We come back to the lodge for dinner (which is prepared by an intern). This ends around 6:45. We have a designated group of people put in charge of making sure dinner gets cleaned up and dishes are done.
     Most people get to hang out and chill until 9:30 and then everyone gets sent to thier dorms. Sometimes we have special activities planned where people are expected to participate. Other nights we have what is referred to as "study hall" where those who are in school are taken to the school so that studying for tests and getting homework done might be accomplished in the hour of time given to them. If they feel they need to work for longer they are allowed to bring thier homework to the lodge and continue studying.
     Once we are in our dorms we get ready for bed and have some dorm bonding time where we as females can talk about our day and keep eachother updated on what's going on in our lives. (I have no idea what the guys do so I can't vouch for them.) My particular dorm has a prayer time where we pray for eachother. We have been then just doing our own personal thing but hopefully soon I can make it more of a group thing and go through a book that I started reading here called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge.
   
     So that is a sneak peek into what a Ranch day might look like for an intern here. It seems easy on the surface until you are in the mix. Some days, on work program, it's a battle field trying to get the students to cooperate. Other days it's a battle to find stuff for students to do.
     As I've been here I'm learning what it means to rest in Jesus and having to relearn it over and over again. I'm thankful that God doesn't see me as having a big "F" on my life like those papers that you could get in middle school. I'm glad that God sees me as his child and gives me the grace to mess up over and over again. He may gently remind me that I'm relying on my own strength in the moment but it's always in a way that is full of grace.
     In a way this is another battle field. The battle to keep your focus on Christ and not get lost in the humdrum everyday life. I think at some level all Christians struggle with this and it's ok to give yourself grace and get back up and try again.

I have a good example of what I've been going through from the other day.

     I was working in the kitchen and one of the students was helping me to prep for dinner. He noticed that I seemed to be frustrated and tense and easily annoyed with people. (We'll call him Sour Patch Kid, SPKid for short). SPKid was talking to me and said, "Larissa, I know you are going through a hard time right now." He was such a sweetie about it. He said some more stuff to try to encourage me and then he said, "Trust God, he's going to make sure that it all turns out ok."
    This is coming from a STUDENT folks. Not another intern. Not one of the staff who work here. A student. To have God use SPKid to speak into my life at that moment was both humbling and encouraging at the same time. It meant that at least some of the teaching was getting through to him and that God could use anyone to remind me of who really was in charge.

That's all I have for today. TTFN 😉





   

Tea, a Little Poetry, and Some Thoughts From Me

This week I got to go out with my disciplee,
We had a lovely cup of loose leaf tea,
A warm gooey croissant with ham and cheese,
Just the thing for our stomach's hunger to appease.

Talking about Christ and what God has done,
Talking of life and laughter and fun,
Our friendship has started to blossom and grow,
Eyeing eachother over teacups with faces aglow.

Our time marches on and is over too fast,
Getting that fro yo was quite a blast,
Our hats were almost blown off once or twice,
But it made us feel pretty and made the day nice.

We talked of our lives on the drive back to the Ranch,
And shared of Gods preservation of our piece in His branch,
He watches over us even when we are going astray,
And when we get lost He leads us home His way.

This is such an enjoyable relationship to have and I feel so blessed to have the particular diciplee that I do. God is using her in my life to remind me of his constant sunshine that can't help but filter through. His light is there and is always shining and overcoming the darkness and so I have hope that even though there are many students here who have much darkness that the light is greater and that they will not leave here quite as dark as when they came.

It's one of the aspects of living here that I have been able to feel the contrast of the light and the darkness, which may seem weird but it's true. It's not that I've never felt darkness before but I have not felt it as strongly in the day to day. This place really is a battle ground where we are pushing back the darkness in the lives of these young people.

I think in many ministries people experience this but I think it's especially true for 24/7 ministries where you have to live with the people that you are mentoring.

The sunshine is too bright for people not to be affected by it here. It has been quite the adventure that God has brought me to and I am not sorry that He brought me here.

Coming to a Hard Blessing

     A day here at the ranch is always new. There are new challenges, new adventures, and new things to learn every day. I have really enjoyed being a part of this ministry.

    The way I heard about this place in the first place was because of a couple of families from my church. They came to an event up here and heard that CEM was looking for interns. On the same Sunday 3 different people from the 2 families came up to me saying that I should apply to be an intern. I think God was definitely involved in speaking to me that day through those people.
    So here I am working among at risk youth and pouring what God has given me into them as He moves. It really is an awesome experience.

    I have laughed with them and let them cry into my shoulder, and have let go of my own tears. It is hard but good. It's good to see the growth in the students and see how my first view of them has changed. It's also hard to see how even though they are growing in some areas they seem to be behind in other areas.
   I have heard more of thier stories and have shared more of mine. I'm learning that everything I have gone through in the past was not necessarily going to have to wait till I was in my 30s or when I "grew up" so to speak (by the way, does anyone truely reach the state of being fully "grown up"?). God is using my story right now and not just in the form of a book but in person.
   I was told by a very wise friend that it's important to share your testimony with others because you never know when or how God is going to use that in someone else's life. Recently it has become clear that God not only may use that testimony in someone else's life but also in mine. It has helped me to see how far I have come. It has helped to reinforce the fact that God has continued to work on me even if I can't always see it right away.
     Every day is new. It is challenging and beautiful because God has made it for us to learn to lean on Him more. That is a blessing beyond measure.

Winter Adventure Ranch Style

     On Feb. 13-16th I went on a winter backpacking trip in Tahoe National Park. It was really cool (haha) to be able to spend the weekend with just the girls (13 of us all together) and to be able to enjoy God's creation with them.
     We went without the comforts of home meaning we had to leave behind toothpaste, deodorant, soap, shampoo, toilet paper, and be without them for the duration of the hike. We took only what we absolutely needed. This included clothes, some cooking and eating supplies, food, tents and bedding (a sleeping bag and a mat to keep you off of the snow), a flashlight, and a backpack to carry it all in.
     It was a time of really good focused meditation on God while walking in the midst of His creation which was refreshing and awesome.

Every day we had group devotionals which was led by one of the staff members who came along. One day we were asked to look up verses and then discuss them with the group. Then we were asked to write a word that we felt who we are in Christ. At first I wrote the word Chosen but that didn't seem like it fit. I went through the day thinking about the word and wondering what my word was if it wasn't Chosen. As I laid down that night the word Qualified came to me and I knew that that was the word that God wanted me to have.

Christ has Qualified me to do whatever He has put in my path to do.

     The last day we had a Devotional that suck out to most (if not all of the girls) there. This time the speaker took out two $20 bills. One she asked a person sitting near her to hold and keep nice. The other she took and tore in a couple of places, spit on it, crinkled it up, and threw it on the dirt.
     She then asked which one was worth more? To which we answered they are both the same. Then she asked why? We said it was because that is what the government said they were worth.
     This was to illustrate that we are seen as being worth the same, no matter what we have been through, in God's eyes. We may have been mistreated and abused but God looks past that and uses us anyway.
    On the way back I was reminded of this once again. I just happened to get in the quiet van and so I started thinking about all of the negative things I had thought of myself over the weekend and one of the students turns to me and says, "You look like a porcelain doll." I then start crying because I realize that just because I have these negative thoughts doesn't mean that that is how God thinks of me. To Him I am worth it. I am beautiful. I am qualified.
Thanks for reading!