Dating Mentality vs. Courtship Mentality

    I promised that I would give you a follow up post to my last one so here it is. (If you didn't read my last post then read Dating, Courtship, Arranged Marriage, oh my!)
     How do you have a Courtship mentality in a Date-centric world? (I mean just look at the all of the different ways people have come up with for dating.) You can date with a dating mentality or you can date with a courtship mentality. If you have the infrastructure you could just court someone but most people do not have that infrastructure and so that would be a frustrating option to give them.

    Dating mentality: basically you are out looking to have a good time and have a companion to do it with and you might get married..... sometime.....maybe..... but what's most important is how the other person makes me feel.

     Courtship mentality: I'm looking at this person with the goal of marrying them and if I don't see a serious commitment (or I see a lack thereof) within 6months to a year then I will not date this person any more because obviously I'm just wasting my time. (You could make the time less if you want but I would advise you not to make it any more than that.)

    Dating mentality: I might get some outside influence from friends and family but for the most part I can make decisions on my own and don't necessarily need their opinions to influence me.

    Courtship mentality: We need others to be involved because this is an important decision that we will have to live with for the rest of our lives and we cannot make this decision on our own. We need people who we can trust their good judgement to help us to think through this rationally.

     Dating mentality: I can be alone with this person and it's ok. Nothing is going to happen that I can't control. I can be trusted.

     Courtship mentality: We are both fallen people who are prone to sin so being alone together is not the best option. If we get in a situation where we are alone we can practice self-control but we would prefer not to get in those situations. If we need to talk about something privately we can do it with others watching. (Trust me, if you haven't been in a before relationship already, there are going to be things that you need to talk about that you might not want everyone to hear necessarily. It could just be making sure that you are both still on the same page but you don't want the outside influence of others chipping in till you have talked it over. Sometimes it's just awkward to talk about certain things with others being too close. It's ok. Communication is important!)

    Now I realize that not all dating situations are completely me centered and that it is possible to come across couples who make it a we centered thing but I think you will find that most of the people out there who date at some point it is or was a me/I centered thing.
     Like I said in the last post community is important and it doesn't happen overnight but I believe that even in today's social media saturated world it's possible to have community. You just have to be willing to be a part of it.

     I would add one more thing to the courtship mentality list and that is: have both sets of parents blessing on the match. This should be on both lists but the true dating mentality of today says "I can do it all myself" whereas the courtship mentality says that we are sinners and we need help with this.
     It's not that the match will be perfect, because that is never going to happen. It's more just to keep both of you from becoming completely blind to each other's shortcomings because of how the other person is making you feel.
     It's not that you are kept back from feeling certain feelings for someone else. It's that you are feeling those awkward feelings with others around who are able to help give advice and guidance.
     I believe that people can date but have a somewhat courtship mentality about it. There are some occasions where it may even be appropriate to date pre-marriage (such as maybe going on a double or triple date with your parents and/or your suitor's parents). Obviously every couple is going to have to figure out where their lines are when it comes to what's appropriate and what's not and when you should make an exception to the rules and when it's not ok.
     When you start to become a couple people will start to see you both as "dating" no matter what you try to tell them so that is why I think it's important to make the distinction between the mentality. When you tell people that you are courting it is hard to explain it succinctly and sometimes it's just easier to tell people yes, you are dating rather than trying to explain it (especially when you don't fully understand it yourself). It's ok. Courtship is a type of "dating" anyway, it just has a different mentality.
     It's a mentality of dependence rather than independence.