Dating, Courtship, Arranged marriage, oh my!

     When you are single and wanting to be married that is a very good desire but how to go about "doing it" before marriage actually happens is something to consider while you are out looking. I used to be of the naïve belief that 'it would just happen' with obviously some qualifications that needed to be there in the guy (he definitely has to be a Christian who wants to have a family for me that was pretty much it. Unfortunately there are too many guys who fit the bill on that one.) If you don't understand this concept go watch Frozen (Love might be an open door but it don't mean that you just walk through it. Check things out first and if its too hard for you to do without stars in your eyes then have a good friend or parent do it for you. It's ok to ask for help.) 

     So I like the idea of courtship but in other times this was a lot easier to carry out than today in America. You would have outlets for young people to meet each other in an environment where parents were expected to attend as well and where there were many familiar eyes watching. (I think of Jane Austen, Charlotte Brönte, Louisa May Alcott, and others from that time period. They mention gatherings such as dances, summer pick nicks, and other various gatherings where young people could meet each other in a community environment).

   There is a sense in which we have lost that close community that has been replaced with the advancement of technology (particularly, in today's world, with social media). There are good sides to technology where I can feel like if I really needed to make a call back home from halfway across the world I could. There are good sides to social media where you can share with many people all at once what is going on in your life (makes it so much easier to share pictures and tell people where you are in life. It's also good for keeping up with people that you would otherwise lose contact with completely.) But there are the downsides to technology too. I already mentioned one but I think that to fully analyze it I need to save it for another post.  

    So courtship in the Victorian era sense of the word might be possible today in some churches but from what I got in the past with youth group I kind of doubt that its a reality in a lot of churches.

     In our society today there is segregation of the ages, in our schools, in our communities, and in our churches, and this does not help things either. It destroys the wholeness that comes with variety in the community and rather puts an emphasis on your age group being the best age group to be with. I believe that churches who encourage and have a lot of parental participation in activities that are geared at the youth are healthier churches. 

      I know that a lot of people are looking for alternates to dating but the question is is it possible to carry out without it turning into dating in today's society? Not if you don't have community that is willing to participate. You don't have that then you don't have courtship.

     So in American society it's easy to see how people get frustrated after reading books and listening to people speak who say you shouldn't date before marriage but no clearly defined way of how you should "do it" that will work in their lives. 

     Dating is another story. Dating is all over the place and is embraced by many as the way to go. You can date online, you can date at school even if your only 11 (...or younger, I know it's sad but kids do it), you can date the traditional route (by actually going out with someone), you can double date, flash date, group date, blind date, etc, etc. You get the point. Dating comes with many faces.

     I think that some people have been brought together and used dating (because they didn't know really what else was out there) as a way to get to know each other and then one thing led to another and they "got hitched" as they say. The thing with dating is that you can have community but its not a requirement. It's easier for something to fall under the broad umbrella of dating than it is for something to fall under the much narrower umbrella of courtship because community does not happen overnight but is something that has to be fostered. 

      In other words you can date someone with tons of other people in the room who kind of know you but aren't really close enough to really give you good, sound advice.

     The last option that I know of is arranged marriage. Usually you have either a matchmaker or your parents make the match for you and whatever you get you are stuck with. This can be a good way to get married being that arranged marriages tend to have a lower percentage of divorce rates (anywhere from 4-6% according to http://www.statisticbrain.com/arranged-marriage-statistics/). Most people in America do not prefer this method of finding a spouse. 

      So those are the different options available (at least the ones that I'm aware of). In my next post I will explore the idea of having a courtship mentality in a dating focused society. Stay tuned!