Crazy Stuff Happening all at Once!

So a lot of things happened over the last week and a half. Here are the top 4. (There is always more to write about so I had to top it off before it got too crazy long).

First, I turned 22.

 
Yep. Although I wouldn't say that I have the same attitude on life as Taylor Swift. I was thinking about it and wondering why that was. I think it's because I'm not seeking to be fulfilled in what I do or what I feel. I'm seeking to be fulfilled in Christ. If I wasn't seeking that then my life would be all sugar and no substance and eventually I'd get sick of it.

Second, I had a Skype interview with some of the head guys at Christian Encounter Ministries!


     This is perhaps one of the coolest programs available out there for older teens and younger adults who realize that they need serious help. They come to this place called "The Ranch" up in Grassvalley, CA and have the love of Jesus poured into them daily as they struggle to get back on their feet again. Here is more Information about the program.


Third, we had a clean up day at our house.

    It was hosted by one of our sweet sisters in Christ who wanted to show an appreciation for all of the hard work that my dad does by helping to clean up things around our place. (It's something that my mom has wanted to do for a while but only is able to do a little bit here and a little bit there.) It really blessed our family and we were able to have a nice time of fellowship with the people in our church.


Fourth, I got accepted!

My application for an internship at CEM got accepted! I'm both excited and terrified at the same time. Excited because God has opened a door for me and given me a direction (plus it's such a cool ministry to be a part of. I'm really excited I get to be a part of this.) Terrified because I have never done anything quite like this before and I wonder if I'm going to find that I'm in way over my head.
I kind of feel like Rapunzel in the movie Tangled:


     I have my moments of being on cloud 9 and moments of wondering "how qualified am I really for this?" Those moments pull me back to reality. I'm aware that I don't have all of the answers and that I'm a fallen person.
   I know that I'm qualified within myself, or within my own strength. I'm qualified because of Christ and I rest on his strength. I pretty much have this internal conversation at least 5 times a day (maybe more). Once I'm there and in the midst I'll have a better understanding of what exactly I got myself into. For now I just keep praying that God would prepare me for the road ahead and that he would also prepare those whom I will be mentoring for me.

What are My Future Plans?

     What do I plan on doing with my life? An imposing question asked often by others who are interested to know what I plan to do with my life. It is a fair question though, if I was in their shoes looking at a 21 year old girl who has never been to college but is not necessarily unintelligent I probably would be asking the same question.
    So what do I plan to do with my life? It is an intimidating question when people ask me because in a moment I want to run screaming out of the room screaming "I don't know" and at the same time I just want to melt into the floor and disappear. Usually I end up being rooted to the floor and either trying to answer the question, but not being very successful at it (I probably create more questions than I answer), or trying to deflect the question altogether.
      I have desperately wanted to have an answer but felt like I didn't have a really good one until this week.

     My mother told me that it is acceptable to say, in answer to people who ask this question, that I plan on doing whatever God places in front of me to do. Really, what more should I be doing? 

      There is no better place to be than in the arms of The Father and following his lead when it comes to where I should go and what I should do. Without God I am nothing. I'm just barely a blip of time on the whole of history. So doing and pursuing whatever God places in front of me to do is the best thing that I could be doing right now.

Oldest Daughter Complex: What You May Not Understand

    Recently I was in a conversation with a homeschool mom at our church who was describing some of her confusion as to why her oldest daughter wasn't getting her schoolwork done till 5pm whereas most of her other kids would get done regularly at 2. They have a big family of 9 kids. I actually wasn't aware of the fact that others struggled similarly to myself until this mom started describing some of her confusion of why her daughter wasn't getting done with her schoolwork earlier.
     I have found that at least in my own situation that I tend to be one of those types who likes to be useful to others. As the oldest daughter I saw my role as being a helper to my mother first and schoolwork was second. I love being part of a big family and I love that I got to benefit from learning alongside my mother from a very early age. I have had moments of not wanting things to be this way but for the most part I have been pretty content with my situation.
     This being said let's get down to what I wanted to say in the first place. When I was homeschooling I would spend between 7 and 8 hours a day on schoolwork. Part of this was due to the fact that I felt that I needed to be ready and available if my mom needed me. This included, but was not limited to, helping the little kids get lunch, changing diapers when they needed to be changed, cleaning up after the little kids, and being generally available for them should the occasion arise.
     The other kids around my age would pitch in and help too, but they are boys and didn't see things the same way that I did. It's not that they can't be the same way that I was (and to some extent still am) but I think some people are born with more of an awareness to the details around them, some people are born with a "big picture" awareness, and some people are just confusing as to what kind of awareness (if any) that they happen to possess. (I personally think God puts these kinds of people in our lives to keep the systematic people from being able to categorize everyone into their little box. I think He must get a kick out of that sometimes.)
     As a girl we tend to be more nurturing than men. We tend to be more aware of the immediate needs of the children under our care and tend to want to meet those needs (notice I said needs to wants, as mothers and older daughters we learn to distinguish between what the children in our care want and what they really need). It is not a bad thing and in fact is a reflection of our creator who is very aware of His children's needs and meets the needs of His children.
     In the Bible we see the children of Israel wandering around in the desert but God faithfully takes care of them, he gives them manna every day for food, he makes sure that their sandals on their feet don't wear out, he gives them water from rocks. God takes care of his children.
    In 2011 our landlord lost the property that we lived on and so we were asked to leave the property. During that time my dad didn't have a regular job and relied on contract work to get the money just to pay for our expenses. So no regular job and no house to live in and yet for a whole year to the day God provided not only food for us to eat but we always had a roof over our heads and a place for everyone to sleep. We really felt that God was taking care of us and directing us through the whole experience.
     That all said (sorry for the rabbit trail) I think it's important for mothers who may be confused about their older children not getting done with their schoolwork till late to try and figure out if there is a way of helping them.
     One way of doing that might be by observing what they do throughout the day and write down what it is that they are doing throughout the day. Try not to let them know what you are doing because we generally act better when we know that others are watching.
     It also could be mental fatigue from being in the house all of the time. I found that I was able to focus better on my schoolwork much better after I had gotten out of the house for a bit (such as when we would get home from P.E. or go out for a quick shopping trip with mom). I would encourage homeschool moms to try and work it out for your kids (especially the ones who have a harder time getting their schoolwork done earlier) to get out of the house on a regular basis and see if that helps to improve their focus and improve how quickly they are able to get their schoolwork done.
     Another tool that might help that I was not aware of till I was in high school is getting a speed reading course. We have an audio version which takes about 10 minutes to go through and it's really good.
     If all else fails it might be helpful to just sit down and talk with your child or have them write answers to the questions on paper if they feel they need more time to think about the answers. Some of the questions below might be questions to ask yourself first and see if you already have an answer some might be appropriate to ask your child. You may even come up with questions of your own.
     How do they view themselves in relation to the family unit? If they could liken themselves to something inanimate what would it be? If they could choose to take a class doing something what would they want to learn? What kinds of things frustrate them? Is there a subject that they are having trouble in but don't understand why and are afraid to ask because they don't know why it's hard for them or why it takes so long? Which siblings give them the most trouble? Why?
     The child will appreciate that you care and want to help. If you don't end up coming up with an answer after doing these things realize that we are all imperfect ink splotches and that I for one do not have all of the answers. I'm just trying to help you see from the perspective of an oldest daughter what it's like and then trying to help mothers help their daughters feel successful and not feel discouraged because it takes them so long to do their school and feeling like they can never do what they want to do.
      I think my mom did some things really right when I was homeschooling like taking me and her out shopping together just to get away from the house and it gave me a chance to take a break from that mental "on" that you get when you are at work (which is where I was when I was at home or when I was with the little kids). She had us involved in a P.E. group outside our home for a while. I did choir while I was in Jr. High. I did ballet for 4 years (from when I was 10 till I was 14).
     I am appreciative of all of the time spent doing all of the activities outside of the home. I am also appreciative of the things we did inside the home and for the chance that I got to be involved in the "dirty work" of motherhood and gaining the skills that I did from being involved. It is a matter of finding where the balance is and not giving up or feeling discouraged because you haven't found a balance that works for your family yet.
     Be in communion with other believers and ask God to bring guidance into your life that can help you through this challenge. God knows what you need and sometimes it's not as obvious as we think.

What do I do with Myself?

    As a single daughter of a pastor there are people who are genuinely thinking that I should get out there and do something with my life. Sometimes this can be discouraging when you look at everything you already do and think "but what about everything else that I'm involved in"? I'm the oldest of 12 kids, I go and help out at Cubbies once a week, I've been very involved in Child Evangelism Fellowship and currently help out with Good News Club, I have a job and babysit on top of that, what more do people expect me to do?
     There is that little thing called college. Ahh, yes. College, the seemingly defining factor of whether or not you will be a success in life or not. Now I'm not saying that college is a bad thing, no. Some people I believe have a legitimate reason to go to college and learn things and get the connections needed to do what they want to do (doctors, marine biologists, engineers, etc.). There are plenty of people who still need to have college. Do I need college though?
     I am of the opinion that not everyone needs to go to college. Some people are much better off getting life experience rather than jumping into college and spending a bunch of time and money on something that you aren't going to use. I believe that with my skill set and bent that college is not my only option (although it is one option. I like to keep an open mind about the whole college thing.)
          As a single woman I don't believe that pining away and doing nothing is good for you or anyone else. I believe that keeping busy and exploring are the best ways to get an idea of where you fit before you go out and decide to spend a whole bunch of money (and time) on something that you don't know if you even like doing or not.
     I've learned (via Pintrest) that I could learn so much through the Internet on photography that I would probably start there before I even stepped foot in a classroom about it. I think with things that are artistic and technical like that though you are better off just doing stuff on your own and figuring out what works and what doesn't and just playing around with things rather than paying for a class.  Another idea that I've toyed with is learning alongside another photographer who has been doing this stuff for a while.
     I've found that I'm able to get some pretty decent shots just using the camera on my smart phone and have been experimenting with different lighting. The photos often do end up being grainy but there are a few that turned out fine. I've learned that you can minimize the graininess of your photo (and sometimes avoid it altogether) by shooting a picture with good lighting and making sure your subject is in focus. I only know this because I have practiced and went out to find out how I could get a shot that actually looked good with something I carry all of the time. It came through my own exploration.
     I am currently going through a knitting certification course so that I can teach knitting classes. The cool thing about getting certified is that I actually need to teach classes while I'm getting certified so I actually get paid during the certification process.
     The whole reason I even found out about the knitting thing is because I was going around looking for jobs and I went into my local Michaels to find out I they needed any instructors. Come to find out they were in the market for a knitting instructor and me being a knitter who happens to be in the market for a job found a match. It was God's timing and leading and I am so thankful for His providence.
     I absolutely hands down love working with kids. God has provided ways of me being able to do that through local ministry groups like Child Evangelism Fellowship and Awana and has given me babysitting opportunities for families both in my church and just through random connections. (Although with God they're not really random.) I have been to India to work with orphanages and children's homes and  continue to look for opportunities for God to use me to minister to children.
     All this to say yes, when I look at everything that I'm involved in I might not have college as one of the ingredients of my life at this moment. That's ok. God has given me special talents and abilities and has given me the outlets for those talents and abilities.
     
For all you single ladies out there ask yourself these questions:

What is important to me?
What do I enjoy doing?
Can I get involved in ministering to people with the talents that I am aware of?
Is there something that I feel called to do that might involve stepping out of my comfort zone?
Is there something that I would like to learn/do that I should set aside time to pursue?
   
     I'm not saying that you have to answer all of them but maybe take a little time to think about them and then go and pursue those things that you feel called to do. See where God takes you in this exciting time that He has for you here on earth. He has a purpose for every splotch here on earth and it will be a beautiful thing to look back on.